I'm not trying to get emotional but I am getting emotional again.you may ask why , but I'm sorry I have no answer for that.its like I have this everlasting pain.it's indescribable.It's not as if i'm trying hard to let go of you.but i just can't break through.To me, one night with you is like,one step closer to heaven.I can't get this heavy load of my chest no matter how hard i try.I think even a forklift wouldn't help.I haven't cried for 2 weeks now.I really don't want to either its a record i'll keep going for as long as i can.eternity would be even greater if i could.i'll be just fine pretending that i'm all devil-may-care.right now , my teachers see me as a rebel.my friends , a clown.my mum , a devil.the man, he's oblivious to everything i've done for the past 4 fucking donkey years.my achivements,my failures whatever it was he was never there.if he wants to now , i think it'll be a lil' to late.i've grown up.to the man ,you've missed my childhood.the bottomline is ,you were never there.why am i holding back tears again just cause i promised myself that i'd never cry again?why are promises made when they're always meant to be broken.it's hard to say how much i've fallen in love with your beautiful side.but i don't love or like you anymore at least that's what i'm suppose to be feelin.but you'll always be that special someone to me.like when i was on the way home just awhile ago , i picked up a flower that had just fallen from a tree.it was beautiful , it was flawless.it was everything he is that i'm not.then i threw the flower in the air to me it signifies that i've let you go.i now that sounds crazy but that's me crazy.i'm a sentimental person but not OVER-sentimental like lizardo.when i'm alone my train of thoughts would fly like the wind i'd think back of stuff that just happened awhile ago or a long time ago.i don't know what i'm talkin about no more.so i think i shall stop here.g'bye for now , you.