what the fuck.


spinning - save yourself , senses fail.


happy chinese new year everybody.

oh my insane cousins =)



school's been fine these days but I still get into trouble
alot alot.was at the principle's office today.same old shit.
nothing new.like a fugitive in school.running away away away
all the damn bloody time.but I know without school things
wouldn't ever be the same.I love school even with the bad parts.
it's like a rose? haha. so cliche.I'm really beat now.
oh wells , life does get beautiful sometimes doesn't it?

hello akira , you are a fucker.

me against the world , it sounds cliche aye.

Well my clique took part in a fun fair thing last friday and It was really good.
We goofed off most of the time and still managed to get top sales =D.
Anyway Cheryl Foo's my partner and she's been a God send.
The book I'm holding while trying to strangle phoebe is I'm with stupid.
It's suppose to be pointing at her.My week has been not bad.
Yesterday was awesome.The day started great and ended sweet.



dumb & dumberer


Oh phoebe , I remember the times now.
The feel like it was just yesterday.
Well it's not too late.
We still can do extremely stupid things together =DD





this is for the many yous.






how many times has this line cross your mind?
when you're in love with someone
when you're feeling for you folks.
when your friend's going to leave you.
I don't know , just another random entry
from yours truly =)

random shit


1.What is your last name?
-- Caine

2. Last person you called?
-- 1711 or phoebe you pick.

3. What are you listening to right now?
-- death cab , photobooth

4. what are the last 2 digits in your phone
number?
-- 11

5. What was the last thing you ate?
-- rollar coaster!

6. Last person you hugged:
-- emoline and she smothered me with her boobs.

7. How is the weather right now? -
-- it's going to rain =DD

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the
phone?
-- stacy the ah lian =DD

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite
sex?
-- eyes?hair? i don't know

10. Favorite type of Food?
-- I eat anything and everything hahaha

11. Do you drink?
-- sometimes

12. Do you smoke?
-- nope but would love to try.

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what
you did?
-- No , I'm not stupid.

14. Hair color?
-- Black? Brown?

15. Eye color?
-- dark brown

16. Do you wear contacts?
-- nope.

17. Favorite Holiday?
-- any holiday would be my favorite

18. Favorite Month?
-- november cause It means there'll be another month of the holiday.

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?
-- nope.

20. Last Movie you Watched?
-- the ring two apparently.tsk.

29. What book are you reading?
-- to kill a mocking bird and heavier than heaven

30. Piercings?
-- two

31. Favorite movie?
--currently , band camp

32. Favorite basketball Team?
-- can't remember

33.What were you doing before filling this out?
-- picking my nose.kidding!listening to copeland.

35. MSN?
-- NSM?

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
-- there's plain?

37. Dogs or cat?
-- cats, both also can

38. Favorite Flower?
-- I can't remember I think sunflowers?

39.Have you ever been caught doing something
you werent supposed to be doing?
-- YEA! LAST NIGHT HAHAHAHAH

40.Have you ever loved someone?
-- yea.

41. Who would you like to see right now?
-- They'll kill me If I say.

42. Are you still friends with your ex?
-- yeap.

43. Have you ever fired a gun?
-- nope , but would love to , at MDM CHONG!


44. Do you like to travel by plane?
-- sure

45. Right-handed or Left-handed?
-- both.

46. If you can be with someone right now,who
would it be?
-- anyone.

47. How many pillows do you sleep with?
-- two.

48. Are you missing someone?
-- Yeap

49. Do you have a Tattoo?
-- No , but I think I might want one.but ya' know the pain.

50. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday
mornings?
-- not anymore.

what I do every night , you know my secrets.


(untitled)

An overdose of korean movies.touchy touchy , mush mush.The tears roll of slowly and out of my lids.I should have been flabaghasted why didn't I react?I've been secretly falling apart more on the inside than the outside.I feel like a third person watching myself like my soul has left the body and I'm just watching myself get cut my tall sharp crispy yellow grass.It cuts slowly and leaves me bleeding almost to death , I feel the pain but I don't.The me I'm watching is dying slowly of the excruciating pain and Istead of helping , I sit there and tilt my head in awe of the moment.I lids meet for a second or two my head spins.And as I open up my views, they squint as it floods with daylight and red. She,Me.I'm almost dead.But still , I stand staring how queer.let's see what'll happen.I walk home and find everything unreal.like I can almost see the outlines of my hands and of the buildings.I talk to a friend.she keeps talking her mouth is moving and I suddenly feel like we're strangers and this is the first time we've ever spoken.I stand there tilt my head again , the speed of the sound travels so fast , I trip and I fall again.You've said something you shouldn't have.I stand up squint my eyes again and the tears rest on my lids.I hold back,smile and walk away.sometimes I think I think too much.what I'm saying is almost incomprehendable to a outsider unless you know what I'm talking about or you're experiencing my insanity.I sound delirious.whats happening.there's like another me.trapped I feel tied down the chains are so heavy.I must get out.take away my emotions.I'm scared and lost in my darkness.I see her she takes the broken glass and contemplates death.Her childhood flashes in an black and white and in minutes , she's gone.

My oh My.


it's 1.20 right now and I'm not in school because guess what? I'm sick , for real this time.I had asthma this morning and something told me it was from that day I met akira and friends at hougang ( oh yes , the indeccent life of an ahlian).There was this dude that kept coughing without covering his mouth and the moment he didn't cover his mouth I knew that I was going to become sick.first of , I've been sort of depressed causing my immune system to be fucked.Second of all , The crazy weather changes have been driving my system insane and now this asswipe here comes and cough without covering his mouth what a cunt I must say.Anyway , I'm sick now.I want to head to the gym but NO , I'm currently sick and do not want to aggravate my situation and something tells me that my lunar rhythms are just around the corner.well hopefully it comes before the players & swingers party shit.I think I feel sort of up for it? yes surprise surprise.V ain't going first of all cause it's expensive and secondly , she's too busy with her you-know-who.I don't think I'm suppose to say the name.anyway , I got up really early this morning about nine? my difficulty breathing pissed me of so I didn't want to sleep anymore.Watched the awards show and been online ever since.I think I'm going to do something more fruitful later well ,at least I hope so.maybe like , read , read and maybe read?I'm reading three books at the same time now.To kill a mocking bird is awesome.It's so good I can actually feel the chills up my spine at the suspensful parts.very engrossed indeed.oh wells.I think I'd better buzz off before I become stupider( yes.no such freaking word).


off to kill A mocking bird. :)

three words : hot hot summer.



I know I made a resolution not to fall in love again
but I can't help it I found a new love and no ,
it is not anybody you know of,
it is but something you know of.
it's something called , gymming.
I want to lose as much weight as possible
in a healthy way of course.
I want the back of kristen dunst.
And the front of gwen stefani
legs of angelina jolie
and shoe size of phoebe lauw! LOL
bottomline is , I want jessica alba's body
this sudden bimbo rush is prolly cause I'm sick
and of course , under pressure.

I am a substitute , an image of the invisible

I'm still lost in a love song.
I still think you're imperfections are beautiful
No matter how much hurt you've caused me
and the aggravation was indescribable
and the stars are out tonight
in the clear moonlight
pity , you aint with me
or I would have kissed you , for free.


the lonesome valentine


Look at the stars look how they shine for you
and everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along, I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

And Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
Do you know?
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across, I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
'Cuz you were all yellow

I drew a line; I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow
Yeah, yeah...

your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
do you know?
For you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

It's true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

Blood Clots & Black Holes



Betrayal Is A Symptom by Thrice.

Rain Vulgar like Water , Spill Vulagar like Water
and you become , Vulgar. I'm so random.
I was suppose to catch the sunrise (yet again)
this morning with Ah lian , Stupid and Stupider
yes, I know there's no such word.who gives a hoot.
anyway , I cancelled the sunrise shit bcos I was really tired
from the gym and all.I must say , going to the gym is
really really fun.I love using the eqquipment.
I need to lose weight.Because I blame all my failures
on my the way I look.superficial , I know.
I admit I can get superficial.
but it's not that I like it , It's just how things work
as in now , superficiality is the way of life.
whether we like it or not , we've got to hope on the wagon
and go with the flow or we will lose out.
trust me , I love being different
but sometimes , sometimes , you've got to just go with the flow
if you want to get something really really bad.
Maybe this is all cock talk now cause I'm really bored.
Anyway , So i got up this morning and the first thing I did
was to got to my grands' she lives in punggol btw
do you know how fucking far that is from serangoon?!
anyway , She lives next to my mini oasis.
I stand afar staring at it
wanting to go there never finding the time
It's so far but I'm going to make it a point to go there
even it means alone , this week =)
I'm going to town now , bye my simple kind of lovely.



weeks later, I hope you'll regret it.
for what you've done , is make me hate you.

Freewayblogger
Over the last three years
he has put over 2,500 signs
against the war on the freeways of California.
ain't he impressive?
yea baby , make love not war =D

retail theraphy?




Today wasn't such a bad day after all
I mean besides the fact that my phone got confiscated
other than that , the day seemed really good!
marisse marisse, you bought shoes a shirt and a skirt.
what more do you want to buy now.
damn it , stop spending money
I smell valentino around the corner screaming for love
g'day g'night and g'bye

Mae I love you?


What happened?
things happened to fast
and yet again , anger got the best of me.
I felt it , or did I.
I have no idea which way I'm going now.
I need someone to hold my hand
and guide me through this , I think.
I want nothing more tonight
but to be out there.
every now and again , I feel like
I feel like I've been sucked into this time lapse
into this place where I'd sit and watch my painful
most painful , painful memories.
It plays in black and white.
I'd be sitting there all alone and crying.
wondering why did it happen.
No matter how much hurt you have caused me
It struck me that no matter what , I'd still love you.
You left almost too soon , you came almost unannouced.
Things are moving so fast and I'm too slow to catch up
so I fall and I manage to grab onto this thin line
so thin , almost a thread that might snap anytime soon
I'm fat and heavy so It snaps and I fall.
But I manage to grab onto a hand
how lucky you may say , but the hand burns
it has torns on it
like a rose , the hand seemed oh so beautiful,
since I'm close to death , but just like a rose
It has torns that hurt me the worse part is
I'm falling so the pressure pushes the torns into my flesh
and drags down into cuts , I feel the pain
but I can't let go , It's so painful
But It's like an addiction I can't get rid off.
and I finally pass out of the excruciating(?) pain
I still fall , into the bloody pit.
it never ends doesn't it?


Spinning - Someone Else's Arms

I feel like someone just ripped my heart out.
Why am I acting like I'm unaffected.
snap out of it marisse.

dream of everynight

elizabethtown , you break my heart.

she's too lost in her darkness they say.



I'm only happy when It rains ( garbage)
apparently not , cause I'm not out there playing in the rain
but you could say that I can have my walk down memory lane
and get emotional and I guess that'll make me happy
cause I abso-fucking-lutely love getting depressed
I hope you remember what I told you cause guess what , Ian's back.
I'm such a psycho aren't I , people actually think I need help
what is happening to me , whats the deal with my brains.
What happened to my fuck care attitude on a sober basis
my fuck care's present physically but not mentally anymore.
I cannot stand school , I know you've probably heard it a billion times.
but school makes me feel like I've been buried alive in this coffin
and in this case , school's the coffin.
I have this gut feeling that I'm not going to do well for the major exams
hot damn , I never knew how much people could actually affect me.
fucking teachers , I hate math , I hate school , I hate life
I hate teachers , I hate teachers who aggravate my situation
I hate hate , I hate you , I hate me , I hate every happy day.
Cause I now feel like If I get one happy day ,
I get ten depressing days in return.life's such a drag
Why the fuck won't they leave me alone.
I just want to be alone or at least with my friends.
I mean hello? we have to deal with the shit our parents give us at home
and we go to school looking foward to a better day and guess what
we have to deal with our fucking teachers , It's so damn exhausting.
The only reason why I stay in school Is so I can make a living QUICKLY
I can't wait for the next approximately 240 days to end
cause then , I'm out of my 'institution'.
the only reason why I'm alive now is , my friends , family and God.
cause , I do not want to be thrown into the lake of fire.
I'm waiting for a car to hit me or something
get it over and done with so , I thank God for religon.
I just might have a nervous breakdown anytime soon
and when I do , please friends I hope you guys will still love me all the same
cause I'd love you all the same.


yes baby , closure has already happened.

and as I sit and ponder.

I can't believe it right after I told you
I realise that , I really didn't at all.
We had a platonic relationship
I thought It was love
which turned out to be a mistake.
I was blinded by jealousy
she was a threat , a germ , a tough stain.
She's actually kind of beautiful.
All the times I got sad for nothing.
My uncontrolable thoughts of you
I can't believe it turned to be but a fling




sixteen candles and an egg.

two-timing touch and broken bones.


School's been a bitch.
I have this bad urge to quit school and let me tell you,
THE URGE IS FUCKING OVERWHELMING ME.
If not for my bloody friends , I think I would've quit school.
It's stinks like fucking hell there.
teachers have been once again , bitches.
the only period I look foward to is , recess.
ok , I love my chinese teacher.
I came late on the first day , ok , on purpose.
on the second day , my whole clique came late ,
of course we didn't plan for that to happen.
but you know , who wants to believe rebels
espcially when they are fucking sixteen.
yesterday my life was screwed.
today, life's stagnent.what's next?
would someone please pass me the pills now.
I want to become an emotionless blob.
I went to school with puffy eyes
and now , I recieve counselling
is the man up there screwing with me or what!?
omg, am I losing it?!
please please please , I just want to be left alone.



LIFE'S A DDDDDDDRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

this is how I feel like at the moment.

I have something to do today , I'm going out with V and Akira and guess what?!
I have not bathe or brush my teeth , SMELLL MY BREEEAAAATTTTTHHHHH

well well , what do we have here , it's the new year

"oh fuck it's the new years" what a way to start the new years
you may say well , it's what went through my mind , honest.
Well , if you insist that i started with the
"faster!let's countdown" , " huh?! 12.02 already"
where after the " huh!? we forgot to countdown"
then it's a not very auspicious why to start it either.
which after my " oh fuck it's the new year!"
when infact it should've been , " wow , the new year"
I stood in awe of you , wishing I could say something
but instead , I called my dad , grandma and MUMSIEE :D
and soon after thirteen and the rest of my close friends
some which i didn't manage to get through.
well , I'm going to wish everyone yet again.
happy new year to


Ah lian
Akira
alicia tan
alicia yong
alistir
audrey
azilah
beatrice
bekkah
boyfriend(dory)
breastie(jenny)
calista
candy
chantal
charlene
charmaine
cheryl foo
cherlene
chirp chrip(bird)
christ tell
chunky
desmond foo
emoline
esmond
esther
eunice
evon
fairli
fangs
fay
fish
gwen
hannah
HC-GF(sylvia)
janice
jasmine
jerome
jiaxin
jill
jillian
jism head(jin hui)
karys
kelly
lasoh(laurel)
leezord
lee-yah
liyan
meishi
melissa
michelle
mum calista
nana
nerdizza
nina
only two (siewhwee)
pamela
pantat
phoebe
pris
puiling
sam
samantha
sarah
serene
sexy(rachel)
shanny
sher
shiyun
shopping
sihui
sijia
son( ann na)
suee
sulynn
tehknee
theresa
thirteen(hannah)
tienkur(grace)
trisha
vikki
weilyn
wens
xiangying
xiaolong
yenchuen
yihui
yogi bearo(eunice)
zenn
zoe
isabella
russell
tricia
bernice
buddy(kim)
liying
fedrick
spencer
janice
yan ni
valerie
therese
wan chun
celest
kristle
charms
candice
clare
joey
pohyong


If I've missed you out , I'm sorry as you can see they are mainly from my phone list or msn list people that are under the " I talk to" list. :) anyway close or not close , I love you all the same.

anyway , after Stacy's party ,
We went for supper and which after
I walked home with stacy to MY house
we chilled around and after that
I went back to her house cause
I decided to go for the 8.30 mass at IHM and It was good?
haha right after that we went for breakfast at gradens and
we went back to stacy's place and after that
we fell asleep I woke up at 1.30
cause of the heat in her room ,
I got so pissy cause of the heat I had to leave so
, I left her house in a mess with only
a measly 3 hours of sleep and took a cab when I got home
, I slept yet again.Woke up at 5.30 from alyssa's call
for hogan's party , nice guy nice family.
We got lost for half an hour when we got there
we chilled at the fishing village , it was awesome :)
I had a great time , I never knew ps 2 was so much fun
I've lost my blogging mojo , so g'day my friends
and happy second day of the new year :D