the repitition of a loney soul


Yesterday , I fell asleep crying.
I've been letting myself down too much.
My nights have been turning black and white.
All the mistakes I've made keep repeating in my head.
It plays like a flim without a sound.
The words , " I don't want to turn out like him"
keep flashing in my mind like a warning sign.
life's been pretty fucked up for me.
I want to take the sleeping pills
to cure me of my insomia , It's very bad.
I clearly cannot sleep untill it reaches 4 or 5 in the morn
It's horrible , I'm getting eye bags.
I don't want get uglier than I already am.( yes , superficial)
I need to lose fucking weight but I wake up so late
I gets me all lethargic untill it's like 11 or 12 at night
I'll get all energetic but by then , the fucking gym's closed.
So I stay home and watch tv or get emo.
I wanna move out of the house although
I won't do too well on my own either.
I want to take sleeping pills so I can sleep at 8 pm
wake up the next day at 8 am , eat only one meal a day
go to the gym and the rest of the time's for me.
but the side effects are I might get addicted or worse
go insane , which is bad.cause I'm not sane as it already is.
I don't want to be a drug addict but I feel like I need to
My life's so fucked up right now.
And I have some friends who put me down.
It hurts me when they get too insensitve.
I know I seem like an unemotional freak at times.
hello ? I'm still human I can get sad and hurt or offended too.
But these fuckers , don't give a shit do they.
Damn it , I hate getting angry it always leaves me emotional.
not a great way to start your day aint it?
but still it started badly anyway.
with my mum screaming her head off in the morning.
My friend being vindicated , me the accuser.
I feel like a total bitch of myself.
I think I need to run and hide under a big rock.
cause I'm big so small rocks won't hide me.
I'm big fat and ugly. hoo-raahh


off the read of kurt now.