Well well , so today started out with me waking up to the killers.did the usual Monday stuff.school , training ,home with jillian.i love going home with jillian it always cheers me up from my crazy depression.unlike me , she's the white in black in other words means she's special ,she's what you say a happy pill?haha.school today was a big toilet bowl.i had alot of flushes today.where do i start?how do i begin?i have so many things to say but somehow , i'm havin this huge mind block.i can't think, i don't know how to put it words.i need to slow down my train of thoughts.i'm not even sure of what i wanna say.well , have you ever felt like as if you sort of liked someone but you didn't want to that someone.but you actually really really really wanna like that someone.but you don't wanna jeopardize the friendship by sayin something so stupid like , i love you.and it's like you think of that person almost 24/7.and everytime you're with him or her you feel like you're on top of the world and everything he or she says to you suddenly seems so significant and you're holding on to the promise you made to him or her but when actual fact , he or she has already forgotten about it.he or she hurts you so bad just by being him or herself and it drives you crazy when he or she gives you the cold shoulder but only for awhile cause they might be havin lunar rhythms and when they laugh at you're jokes or simply seem intersted in what you're talkin about you get all nervous and start spooning a lil and can't stop laughin cause you're really nervous.when he or she smiles at you , you will feel a ever so strong flush and you're only hoping and wishing that he or she'll notice the big change in you but truth is , it will never happen.well , if only you knew.