he'll be back for me , i promise.




that's what i use to pray for everyday.i use to tell myself , he'll realised how much he actually loves me someday.but that day never came.you know why?i bet you do.cause i'm an oblivious fool.i didn't see that big slap coming.false hopes high , indeed.sometimes , i just wished you knew.i wish you knew how i felt , how i , everything.you drive me crazy.i wanted you so bad.so bad that no one knew how bad it was.i just wished me prayers were answered.well ,if that's the way it gotta be then , so be it.if only you were with me.i would have shown you the world.how love should be.bottomline is , i woulda have loved you right.

I'm not trying to get emotional but I am getting emotional again.you may ask why , but I'm sorry I have no answer for that.its like I have this everlasting pain.it's indescribable.It's not as if i'm trying hard to let go of you.but i just can't break through.To me, one night with you is like,one step closer to heaven.I can't get this heavy load of my chest no matter how hard i try.I think even a forklift wouldn't help.I haven't cried for 2 weeks now.I really don't want to either its a record i'll keep going for as long as i can.eternity would be even greater if i could.i'll be just fine pretending that i'm all devil-may-care.right now , my teachers see me as a rebel.my friends , a clown.my mum , a devil.the man, he's oblivious to everything i've done for the past 4 fucking donkey years.my achivements,my failures whatever it was he was never there.if he wants to now , i think it'll be a lil' to late.i've grown up.to the man ,you've missed my childhood.the bottomline is ,you were never there.why am i holding back tears again just cause i promised myself that i'd never cry again?why are promises made when they're always meant to be broken.it's hard to say how much i've fallen in love with your beautiful side.but i don't love or like you anymore at least that's what i'm suppose to be feelin.but you'll always be that special someone to me.like when i was on the way home just awhile ago , i picked up a flower that had just fallen from a tree.it was beautiful , it was flawless.it was everything he is that i'm not.then i threw the flower in the air to me it signifies that i've let you go.i now that sounds crazy but that's me crazy.i'm a sentimental person but not OVER-sentimental like lizardo.when i'm alone my train of thoughts would fly like the wind i'd think back of stuff that just happened awhile ago or a long time ago.i don't know what i'm talkin about no more.so i think i shall stop here.g'bye for now , you.

I'm not trying to get emotional but I am getting emotional again.you may ask why , but I'm sorry I have no answer for that.its like I have this everlasting pain.it's indescribable.It's not as if i'm trying hard to let go of you.but i just can't break through.To me, one night with you is like,one step closer to heaven.I can't get this heavy load of my chest no matter how hard i try.I think even a forklift wouldn't help.I haven't cried for 2 weeks now.I really don't want to either its a record i'll keep going for as long as i can.eternity would be even greater if i could.i'll be just fine pretending that i'm all devil-may-care.right now , my teachers see me as a rebel.my friends , a clown.my mum , a devil.the man, he's oblivious to everything i've done for the past 4 fucking donkey years.my achivements,my failures whatever it was he was never there.if he wants to now , i think it'll be a lil' to late.i've grown up.to the man ,you've missed my childhood.the bottomline is ,you were never there.why am i holding back tears again just cause i promised myself that i'd never cry again?why are promises made when they're always meant to be broken.it's hard to say how much i've fallen in love with your beautiful side.but i don't love or like you anymore at least that's what i'm suppose to be feelin.but you'll always be that special someone to me.like when i was on the way home just awhile ago , i picked up a flower that had just fallen from a tree.it was beautiful , it was flawless.it was everything he is that i'm not.then i threw the flower in the air to me it signifies that i've let you go.i now that sounds crazy but that's me crazy.i'm a sentimental person but not OVER-sentimental like lizardo.when i'm alone my train of thoughts would fly like the wind i'd think back of stuff that just happened awhile ago or a long time ago.i don't know what i'm talkin about no more.so i think i shall stop here.g'bye for now , you.

I don't know what's the matter with this fucken world.If you're not musically inclined , please stop tryin just cause its the 'in' thing now.please its actually kind of down right disgusting.As in seriously ,it actually makes you look like a fool to older more sophisticated musicians.wonderin why this sudden topic?I was watchin top fun on channel 8.yeahhs, and the people who joined it can't sing their way outta a paperbag pls and the rappin?IT WAS HORRIBLE.i'm not tryin to sound intellectual here but yes , the level of sophistication there was , ZILCH.i don't mean to be frank here but i just can't help it.one of the girls who sang 'ai ni' by the cyndi wang sounded like she had permanent helium in her system.try thinkin about it , am i wrong to say yuck?Singapore as a matter of fact are giving everybody false hopes about how the industry is going to bloom in the future as a matter of fact , it definately won't with people like sly winning 2nd place in the Singapore Idol , i don't see why we should even bother learnin how to sing or play an instrument.we can just sing in our 'in the shower' voices and smile like a mongoliod and do hands signs that are basically wrong.gawwd ,it's so mean for me to say this but , if you don't know how to please don't do it.you are embarassin yourself on national tv.GAWWD, then why do people have to try so hard to have their own sense of style or paying for vocal lessons when we have so called 'music' like techno which is simply wrong.we can just talk and record it and at some sounds to it and there you have it , music.in the dictionary the meaning of music is ,' the arrangment of sounds MADE BY INSTRUMENTS or voices in a way that is pleasent or exciting. " first of , they already said made by instruments and in techno they just use this turn tables or whatever ready-made shit they have.secondly , they said pleasent or exciting which btw techno is missin every bit of.so why have techno?i say we should just burn all the techno cds away an dump it in outer space.(=

i'm a bad person.
i'm a selfish person
i'm going to hell
i'm a very fuckin borin person
i've got alot of great friends
i've got a weird disfunctional family , well sorta
i lie alot
i swear alot
i'm a bitch.
you should stay away from me
you should hate me
i'm very fat.
i'm very dark
i'm very ugly
no one likes me
they're just being friends with me
out of pity
i'm pathetic.
i'm gonna grow up to a taxi driver
i'm gonna be a spinster
i'm prejudice
i'm racist sometimes.
i'm not a people person
i'm a wannabe
i can't sing to save my life
i'm so untalented.
thank you , you don't wanna know me.
BYE

HELLO , today once again is , Sunday.todays' Sunday is not just any Sunday.It's bible Sunday not only that , it's 'the mans' birthday.what can say , ain't it just so special.right now , you've probably sensed the sarcasm.if you haven't , you're lost dude you truly are.anyhows , today's a pretty weird day for me as in seriously.i don't know.its like one minute i'm sleepin and the next moment when i wake up i become almost emotionless.in church i was feelin emotional and no , i didn't break down and cry.i was suppose to meet best friend.i waited for almost an hour.i figured she fell asleep so i went home.this time , i wasn't even angry.there wasn't even an inch on wrath that can be detected within me.i just went home feelin blank.bought food and went online.todays on hell of a fuckin boring day i must say.

hello , i'm weird.
thank you goodbye.

I feel inferior to you , physically hate the fact that somehow , to me ,I am better than you in alot of ways.not sayin i'm perfect.but its the fact that its always so easy for you.but its so hard for me.he gave me all this gifts.but i can't do nothing with them.i feel deprived.i hate this situation i am in.'the mans' birthday is on Sunday another day to feel depressed about.i'm havin lunar rhythms now which is makin every situation i am in seem worse.why am i pretendin that nothin is happening when everything i wished would never happen is happenin.its like my nightmare with deja vu.i'm so fuckin fustrated and i feel faintish.my mind is so painful.i can barely type.my eyes are turnin so fast.i can feel my brains twich a lil.its drivin me nuts.i hate the fact that there's no one for me to love.i hate the fact that i have this gut feelin its cause i think there ain't gonna be no one as perfect as you.i hate the fact that everytime i see you i still cant take my eyes off of you.i hate the fact that everytime i think of you i cant breathe.JESUS SAVE ME.

today's a sunday.yes , sunday.yesterday was a weird experience for me.shan't talk bout it to save a friends face.went out with momma the whole friggin day.met up with siewhwee and phoebe.waited for a fuckin hour and they didn't even call to tell me that they didn't know the way.worst of , they asked me to meet them at topshop and when i got there they weren't there.so i had to walk to a pay phone to call them cause i dont have a fuckin phone.but when i met up with em.i was too pissed my whole day got ruined by em.so i just left them i was fuckin angry and fed up.i mean hello , who doesn't know where wheelock is?fuck this shiat , forget it.the more i think about it , the more pissin it gets.anyhows , at home now.trying to get emo.yes , again.its becomin so cliche.i think i'm a melancholic.sorta , haha.i've promised myself that i will get through this.yes i will so i'm pretendin to like someone now.which to you guys ,is pretteh crazy.cause if you like someone , you like someone.how can you pretend right?!oh wells , its cause i have no one to write songs about so i'm just using this person but i'm still writing about the other person.okay,complicated.don't get me?go figure.=p.it feels like its raining in my head.raining with thoughts that is.alot alot alot and a hell alot of thoughts.i realleh want to talk to someone as in SOMEONE.but i have no idea who.i missed how things use to be as in when i was still that love sick puppy chasin you around as in, everytime i see you.my stomach would be filled with the butterflies.my shoes would grow wings and i'll start floating around in my mind.but i guess that butterflies flew out cause i dont get that funky feelin anymore i mean i still do but not as much as before.i use to wish for the fever to break.now i wish i wouldn't fade.cause i really do love you miss you and will always cherish you.so if i have said some weird stuff in the past , please forget i even did that.cause when i'm around you everything i'm tryin to say comes out wrong and its hard to come out right.so bye for now , i'm gonna take on the world.

i dont know whats wrong with me.i think i'm a freak.why does it feel like there's an earth quake in my head.idon't understand.
to think i wanted to know you.i tryin my best to let go ya' know.but its so hard.i was thinkin maybe it'd be easier if i had
someone else to like as like what lizard said , ' friends with potential '.but somehow there ain't anyone i can love , as in
if i wanted to turn crook it'd be so hard cause ya see the thing is everyone i know has someone to love example , eunice-princess,
bird-rachel,lizard-you-know-who,tanny-jeslyn,alicia-i dont know,phoebe-haojie,and the list goes on.i mean i want to ask anyone to spend like 2
weeks with me i just wanna know how it feels like to really love someone again.the last one wasnt counted cause it was in primary school
which was stupid goes to show you shouldn't have relationships when you dont understand love yet.anyhows , i realleh wanna know who does
it feel to love someone else treat the person right,i swear i'll be the sweetest thing ever , not bein thick skin.but yeahh.i'm realleh sad
cause i ain't got anyone to love.i love you still but thats different cause i'll never have you.i'm tired of runnin after you.jealousy just
slapped me in the face like that.its hard for me to get this over with and let go.in simple words , i cant break through.i need someone to
love i sound desperate but yeahhs.i really do.i wanna do things i've always dream of doing and no , not SEX.i know i've said this before but
i wanna give a person my all and make the person love me for who i am and break up with the person so i can hurt him or her.but i know i'd
prolly love the person cause i'm really not that kind of person.cause i know whats it like to be hurt.and you know whats the saddess thing
ever , its the fact that you still dont know me and never took the chance to and i never really got to know you well but from all i've heard
yer the greatest thing ever.but if i look on the brightside thanks to you i've matured alot over this period of time.which i would realleh like to
thank you for.




it's not that bad , you're just the best i ever had

ok i know i've been sorta of a sober person for the past few days i still am but i think i've sort of cheered up.well , that's cause i've been listenin to happy songs more to the swing kinda songs.if you've got exsquitsite taste you'll prolly know who's cole porter.yeah , i'm listenin to his songs.they're jazz songs but more to the swing.very beautiful music and beautiful lyrics.very witty very very good.really helps me extenuate things.eally not in the mood for tv.so i'm gonna miss my thursday routine.i think old songs are really good as in the lyrics music everything the lyrics nowadays are so explicit but i'm not sayin i don't listen to em.i do alot.just sayin how stuff use to be so , pure.i know it sounds weird.but yeah.pure.like how stuff use to be like bein oblivious to almost everything.you hate bein oblivious to things but when we know about stuff.we start thinkin how stupidity is bliss.anyhows , i'm actually kinda glad i'm kinda over the 'in love with someone' stage because i cant make sense in what you've done when i start to cry and start to run you actually didn't do anything to hurt me.no , actually you did.just by bein yerself has hurt me alot.why do you have to be so perfect.i think i was actually over you but i just really didn't wanna let go cause i was afraid and i didn't know what to do.it still hurts me when i listen to sad songs just thinkin about the past , you my dad , my mum , EVERYTHING.so for now , just look ahead and i'll try my best to smile without hiding a billion tears.(=

as you fuckers can see in the below entry , i've officially become boring.yes , boring like how thing were before , BORING.'sides the friends factor that is.you know wanna know what to do when the one you love is with somebody else , technically he ain't but its realleh obvious he's still loves jayne.what do you do when there's nothing you can do about it.its plain easy.its actually common sense.3 words.deal with it.yeahhs.the way i deal with things is by running away.yes RUNNING AWAY.its just always like that.and after running away from the problem situation shit thing whatever.i'd start reminiscing bout it and be filled with regret like , why didn't do this the other time or that or whatever.i'd ponder on it and the more i do the more fucked i get.whatever , the word most commonly used in my vocab.thats what you guys know thats all.you guys think whatever means i'm running away but i'm sorry to dissapoint you but your fuckin hell wrong and neither does it mean its a no strings attach kinda whatever.my whatevers always have a meanin behind it like , case senario one , yes it sounds like some scientific shiat.bear with me alright?so anyhows , example when eunice and or or lizard are teasin me bout my skin colour or whatever when i say whatever i means its either so cliche cause they've said it a billion zillion times and its not funny anymore or it really has hurt my feelins and i'm just smiling and sayin i'm ok when truth is i was then , hidin a million tears.yes , i do have feelings.i know i'm fat ugly dark and fully indian or whatever but i do have feelings.well, cause you see the thing is you guys realleh don't know me.you guy never did still dont and will never know me.unless i tell you guys that is if i'm drunk or something.which apparently will never happened.when i tear its either cause i'm tired or emo.if you realleh know me you will know when i'm actually crying which you guys obviously will never be able to tell apart the tears.and this time 'round will never get the chance to cause after my last cry , i promised myself i'm never gonna ever forever as long as i can cry.

i've been tryin for the past hour to get emotional yes , weird?but hell no i ain't weird.cause you see the thing is , i'm actually quite an emotional person.i think i get jealous easily.basically its usually cause i'm realleh not a beautiful person as in physically.mentally i dont know.people think i'm a person that never takes anything or anybody seriously but the truth is i realleh do.see you guys realleh don't know but sooner or later you guys are gonna see right through me.if you dont i'll eventually open up.i'm a realleh confused person.right now , i think i'm sorta back to square one as in not the in love square one.as in i've got nobody to love not as in i have a boyfriend i dont like anyone.its back to the days i randomly selected tricia to like and true enough i realleh fell for her beautiful side see when i like someone their flaws are so insignificant to me already.i don't know man.i realleh wanna fall in love with someone.but this time without sheddin tears like what you, the past , had done to me.i wanna realleh fall in love with someone.i'll realleh treat the person right.but well i guess , i'm just gonna grow up to be a spinster.to him it realleh didnt matter how i felt inside.this life is sucha game sometimes.just that i'm always on the losing side as in im always the one endin up hurt.love is selfish love is blind.it makes me jealous makes me go outta my mind.jealousy.tsktsktsk , jealousy.well this time its what helped me realised that things between me and him are realleh not go any furthur.well then to love , i say goodbye.i'm not gonna cry anymore or feel emotional.i'm gonna be this cold person and the party animal everyone expects me to be.ok so well , fuck you all. (=

just came back from alicia's parteh it was realleh good actually on account that it was a last minute planned parteh.the turn out was actually great yeahhs.the parteh started out not exactly great.but slowly the moood started to change we started socializing and everthing.met some people like , sean tan which btw is esther tans' brother yes , what a small world indeed , sean , kun yao , ian , mark , russell , derrick and alota other people.i was realleh suprised that esmond actually turned up alicia's right as in the people we expected to turn up realleh didnt and the people we didnt realleh did.well , life is unpredictable.anyhows , the drinks were great.great job mixing the drinks eunicey.hahaha.lucy and lizzie.nevermind i shall refrain from embarassin.there are to much stuff to say about the parteh yeahhs.i think one page just ain't gonna be enough.yeahhs.stuff indescribable happened.actually the entertainment wasnt that bad it was only the dancin yeahhs no one realleh wanted to dance cause there were tooo many guys.yeahhs.but actually thats not the point about dancin its not to show off how great you can dance.dancin is the voice of yer inner soul.yeahhs.some people wanted to dance actually wanted to dance example , ian.but by the time he wanted to , everyone was beat.hahaha stupid ass.esmond said something that got me like all ponderin, ohs wells.anyhows , the kun yao and the tents thing was damn funneh and the spellin game with him when he got wasted was realleh fuckin funneh.they are realleh nice people.the 'bondin' at the so called back yard will truly be remembered.hahaha.gawwd, i sound like im goin to die.but seriously , alicia , it was nice (=

when i was listenin to this song just now it realleh made alota sense to me as in every mornin i wake up i put on this face thats gonna get me through the day it doesnt realleh matter how i feel inside right?i doesnt realleh matter how your friends is feelin on the insides as well.we all put on this big fake smile or our normie faces so we can get on with our lives and so our friends will not ask us are we a'righht or whatever but realleh deep down inside you just wished they could see yer real side.i think i've decided to quite the detergent commercial act and get on with reality im gonna express myself the way im suppose to which right now i have no idea how to.well , you see the thing is the stuff i've sad above isn't realleh bout you guys its mostly me yes mock me call me a selfish bitch its all about me yada yada yada but i think the bottomline is we or i realleh need to open up.thats it.g'nighht my friends

Some days I sit , starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think there's nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry
Sometimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wastin' my time?
Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then he comes back to me
People make jokes cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into his eyes




too good to be original
i got it from a song just edited it a lil
g'nighht fuckers (=

today was GREATT (=
first of i had a not
like every other year's
depressin father's day
cause i celebrated with
meh grandpapa (=
anyhows , then met up with
kristle and MY WOMAN
which btw is VICKY (=
anyhows , eunicey alicia
tehknee phoebe bird nerz
and esmond were suppose to
come.but in the fuckin end
did not but we had fun anyhows.(=
so i wont hold it against em'
anyhows , we went for the
ROCK ON SINGAPORE FEST
yesterday and today (=
it was ROCKIN GOOD FUN!!uh-huh
the malays there were sultry.HAHA
i have a current fetish yer malays.
i dont know i just think they're cool
by nature.so funky.wanna be one
i can sure be one if want to
cause of my ultra brown skin colour.
and no one will think i'm a poser.
yeahhs.anyhows,i think fatskunks
electrico and rolnin are realleh cool
although the guy from ronin looks
like sly but has a nice bod but realleh
cannot dance to save his fuckin life.
and the guy that i think who's pretteh cool
didnt smash his guitar so that i can have
a piece of it.but overall they're realleh
ROCKERS with the capital R (=.
vick and i danced our friggin hearts out
oh yeahhs saw beatrice with nikk at
topshop wisma too.yeahhs, i know what yer
thinkin dudes but no , they aren't together
anyhows,as i was sayin yesterday at the fest
vick went on stage and head banged
correction , body banged hahaha.
she was pretteh cool indeed
i think she should have won
against that indian girl yeahhs
so they made it a draw.
but whatever so long they had fun
plus the prize was fugly
anyhows , we wenta yogadi bearodi luciferishy
which btw is , eunice yong 's house
hahaha , vick said it was
like a pettin zoo
and eunice of course had to be the animal
then i started havin wild imaginations
of her actin like a gorilla . yeahhs
haha i know weirddddd.LMAO
anyhows ,




CHEER UP EUNICE (=

today once again is
FATHER'S DAY
which apparently i celebrated
with my grandpa (=
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!<33
every year i dread this
particular holiday.
but this year i guess,
it was pretteh a'righht (=
that's a first. haha
anyhows , today is the
rock on singapore part two
yeahhs cant wait.((=

life is so unpredictable




this morning when i woke up
correction , this afternoon
when i woke up i called my
bestfriend who i shall not
name because its best that
i keep this low profile
for awhile till she's
ready to open up.yeahhs.
so as i was sayin.
one minute we were all jokin
the next minute she recieved
a phone call sayin her dad
had passed away.this sounds cliche
but life is so unpredictable
i'm realleh worried bout her
but as for a dad ,
i'm realleh happy for him
if God thinks its his time
so be it righht?
cause ain't he gon' be in a
better place after all
he doesnt have to experience
the end of the world
which btw, i think is coming
which is good righht?
as for my best friend ,
i think what she
realleh needs now is
moral support,and obviously
the magic word , LOVE.
from this i've learnt
never say never
cause you never know what
the future holds.
like when you were in primary
school.does BEST FRIENDS FOREVER
sound familliar.its so cliche
but the term is used
but never actually practiced
cause once yer in high school
you start to drift apart
and the term has totalleh taken the
back seat in the yer life
the term has become so i
nsignificant.
but as time passes ,
it will be used again
yes , with yer new best friend
but this time you never know
whether forever is for real ,
cause the bond is stronger
and as i have said
life is so unpredictable




GOD , GRANT BEST FRIEND STRENGTH (=

wassup china.
vick , yer parteh
was radical.IN THE END.
no offence though.
but i realleh love you anyway (:
i aint got no flo tonight
so night ya'll ((=




yo vicky its yer burfdeh ,
its yer burfdeh we're gon'
parteh like its yer burfdeh