emotionally incapable of handling : you.


lost in confusion
not knowing which way to return
to the person you know
this trepidation makes you
take it out on someone else
you forever
everybody wins
i don't think so

what would the worst thing be if you
took the wheel and you lost control
no one is safe inside your safety zone
don't understand but i hear what you're saying
the repetition of a lonely life
somebody tell me why the
heart is waging war against the
friends of the enemy of your mind

not your opinion
sounds like you learn it from a show
it appears you have lost
so sick of marching in your lonliness parade
stay together underneath a giant tidal wave

what would the worst thing be if you
took the wheel and you lost control
no one is safe inside your safety zone
don't understand but i hear what you're saying
the repetition of a lonely life
somebody tell me why the
heart is waging war against the
friends of the enemy of your mind

your imatated
ordinary life

is one that you can't break free of
you take a chance as you let it go
happy without the words you'll never know
no way to lose when you made the game you're playing
a no decision forfeit home
no one is safe inside your safety zone
don't understand but i hear what you're saying
the repetition of a lonely life
no one is safe inside your safety zone
don't understand but i hear what you're saying
the repetition of a lonely soul
no one is safe inside your zone

TOUGH BREAK , SO MUCH STILL REMINDS ME , I SMELL A HORRIBLE WEEK AHEAD.

Spinning - Mae - Sun

WON'T YOU BE MY FUCKENTINE;

the uncut version
as the tree branches become silhoutte
against the window plane
I realise I've been a mess.
I read V's blog about feeling.
And I realised that I've made myself vows like that
probably a thousand times but you know , they never work
or at least they never took action.
destination , beautiful.
maybe someday It'll come back to us
We'll head towards the sun and flood our lights with daylight
I don't know you know so many things happened so quickly
This is probably my one sided story.
well , tonight I'm about to promise myself only one last night
one last night of indulging in wallowing in self-pity.
I feel pathetic , used and angry.
Tomorrow , If I have the time for myself will be the last night.
It's so close but we're so far away.(MAE)
It kills me to know that you can find takers other than me ,
better than me (EMERY).
So now I vow this vow to myself never to feel for as long as I can.


maybe I'm just tired...




YOU had so many chances to make it a fairytale , oh wells.

spinning - SUGARCULT - bouncing off the walls again

perfect colouration don't you find?


party up , don't fall down


The players & swingers party was horribly bad
It was by far probably the worse party I've ever attended
even more worse than the private party at the american club
well , but It was still quite fun
considering I spent almost the whole night dancing on the podium
judging people for the way they dance
seriously dudes out there , if you can't dance
please please please , do not club
and If you want to please do not dance on the fucking podium
and block my fucking view.
I can honestly say the underage parties are definately better
because first off , everyone there is young
so they don't know what they're doing
and they don't care if people are looking at them.
Church was Fine as usual feast for the eyes
being bored to tears but still having fun.
complicated shit I guess but still praise the Lord =D
oh wells , I'm beat and I've got tennis later



give me a grapefruit and I'll tell you why I love sundays.



I swear this is not a fetish for ballons hehe =D

I want to wear this to the prom this year :D

Marisse Isabel Caine ;

hello world wide web dot blogger dot com
Some people say if you can't blog
just post pictures so here are a few =)
I've officially found a new girlfriend and her name is ,
excercise :D went over the biggay's house yesterday night
and I bought ice cream for the kid and emo we ended up
mixing it with cornflakes milk and milo powder and yeap
it tasted uber uber good but there's alot of fats in that shit.
I ended up falling asleep at the kid's house.
Woke up the next morning(today) had a banana and went for a swim
I saw tehknee on her way out with her crazy mum peering through
the window yet again.The water was icy cold but I went for a swim anyhow
I swam ten laps and went back to the kids house for a bath
we chilled around ate some weird nice shit and I went off to the gym
I excercised for about an hour plus? pathetic ain't I.
Oh wells , I feel rather accomplished now.
Yesterday , the sec 4s got their results and I'm happy to annouce that
I've got no school on V-day so won't you be be fuckentine?
I'm going to club tonight so much cardio excercises pretty good aye
oh god! I'm becoming fitness freak! excercise has strip me of my
craziness oh well. haha.where's my bloggin mojo man.

Just a random question : Are thongs common in singaporeans?

you don't have to answer me haha =D

WHATS UP.

DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.DEPRESSED.SICK.ANGRY.
CONFUSED.DISORENTATED.
DISORDER.DESPERATE.
SUPERFICIAL.
FULL OF SHIT.
LOST.SAD.PATHETIC.FAT.
UGLY.LOST OF WORDS.
INDECIPHERABLE.EMPTY.
EXHAUSTED.FUCKED.
COULD BE YOU.COULD BE ME.
LOST OF INSPIRATION.
CANNOT FUNCTION PROPERLY.
TOO MANY THOUGHTS SO LITTLE TIME.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.
SO FUCKING ANGRY.

THAT I WANT TO CRY , BUT NOT THIS TIME...




LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE..

what the fuck.


spinning - save yourself , senses fail.


happy chinese new year everybody.

oh my insane cousins =)



school's been fine these days but I still get into trouble
alot alot.was at the principle's office today.same old shit.
nothing new.like a fugitive in school.running away away away
all the damn bloody time.but I know without school things
wouldn't ever be the same.I love school even with the bad parts.
it's like a rose? haha. so cliche.I'm really beat now.
oh wells , life does get beautiful sometimes doesn't it?

hello akira , you are a fucker.

me against the world , it sounds cliche aye.

Well my clique took part in a fun fair thing last friday and It was really good.
We goofed off most of the time and still managed to get top sales =D.
Anyway Cheryl Foo's my partner and she's been a God send.
The book I'm holding while trying to strangle phoebe is I'm with stupid.
It's suppose to be pointing at her.My week has been not bad.
Yesterday was awesome.The day started great and ended sweet.



dumb & dumberer


Oh phoebe , I remember the times now.
The feel like it was just yesterday.
Well it's not too late.
We still can do extremely stupid things together =DD





this is for the many yous.






how many times has this line cross your mind?
when you're in love with someone
when you're feeling for you folks.
when your friend's going to leave you.
I don't know , just another random entry
from yours truly =)

random shit


1.What is your last name?
-- Caine

2. Last person you called?
-- 1711 or phoebe you pick.

3. What are you listening to right now?
-- death cab , photobooth

4. what are the last 2 digits in your phone
number?
-- 11

5. What was the last thing you ate?
-- rollar coaster!

6. Last person you hugged:
-- emoline and she smothered me with her boobs.

7. How is the weather right now? -
-- it's going to rain =DD

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the
phone?
-- stacy the ah lian =DD

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite
sex?
-- eyes?hair? i don't know

10. Favorite type of Food?
-- I eat anything and everything hahaha

11. Do you drink?
-- sometimes

12. Do you smoke?
-- nope but would love to try.

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what
you did?
-- No , I'm not stupid.

14. Hair color?
-- Black? Brown?

15. Eye color?
-- dark brown

16. Do you wear contacts?
-- nope.

17. Favorite Holiday?
-- any holiday would be my favorite

18. Favorite Month?
-- november cause It means there'll be another month of the holiday.

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?
-- nope.

20. Last Movie you Watched?
-- the ring two apparently.tsk.

29. What book are you reading?
-- to kill a mocking bird and heavier than heaven

30. Piercings?
-- two

31. Favorite movie?
--currently , band camp

32. Favorite basketball Team?
-- can't remember

33.What were you doing before filling this out?
-- picking my nose.kidding!listening to copeland.

35. MSN?
-- NSM?

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
-- there's plain?

37. Dogs or cat?
-- cats, both also can

38. Favorite Flower?
-- I can't remember I think sunflowers?

39.Have you ever been caught doing something
you werent supposed to be doing?
-- YEA! LAST NIGHT HAHAHAHAH

40.Have you ever loved someone?
-- yea.

41. Who would you like to see right now?
-- They'll kill me If I say.

42. Are you still friends with your ex?
-- yeap.

43. Have you ever fired a gun?
-- nope , but would love to , at MDM CHONG!


44. Do you like to travel by plane?
-- sure

45. Right-handed or Left-handed?
-- both.

46. If you can be with someone right now,who
would it be?
-- anyone.

47. How many pillows do you sleep with?
-- two.

48. Are you missing someone?
-- Yeap

49. Do you have a Tattoo?
-- No , but I think I might want one.but ya' know the pain.

50. Do you still watch cartoons on saturday
mornings?
-- not anymore.

what I do every night , you know my secrets.


(untitled)

An overdose of korean movies.touchy touchy , mush mush.The tears roll of slowly and out of my lids.I should have been flabaghasted why didn't I react?I've been secretly falling apart more on the inside than the outside.I feel like a third person watching myself like my soul has left the body and I'm just watching myself get cut my tall sharp crispy yellow grass.It cuts slowly and leaves me bleeding almost to death , I feel the pain but I don't.The me I'm watching is dying slowly of the excruciating pain and Istead of helping , I sit there and tilt my head in awe of the moment.I lids meet for a second or two my head spins.And as I open up my views, they squint as it floods with daylight and red. She,Me.I'm almost dead.But still , I stand staring how queer.let's see what'll happen.I walk home and find everything unreal.like I can almost see the outlines of my hands and of the buildings.I talk to a friend.she keeps talking her mouth is moving and I suddenly feel like we're strangers and this is the first time we've ever spoken.I stand there tilt my head again , the speed of the sound travels so fast , I trip and I fall again.You've said something you shouldn't have.I stand up squint my eyes again and the tears rest on my lids.I hold back,smile and walk away.sometimes I think I think too much.what I'm saying is almost incomprehendable to a outsider unless you know what I'm talking about or you're experiencing my insanity.I sound delirious.whats happening.there's like another me.trapped I feel tied down the chains are so heavy.I must get out.take away my emotions.I'm scared and lost in my darkness.I see her she takes the broken glass and contemplates death.Her childhood flashes in an black and white and in minutes , she's gone.

My oh My.


it's 1.20 right now and I'm not in school because guess what? I'm sick , for real this time.I had asthma this morning and something told me it was from that day I met akira and friends at hougang ( oh yes , the indeccent life of an ahlian).There was this dude that kept coughing without covering his mouth and the moment he didn't cover his mouth I knew that I was going to become sick.first of , I've been sort of depressed causing my immune system to be fucked.Second of all , The crazy weather changes have been driving my system insane and now this asswipe here comes and cough without covering his mouth what a cunt I must say.Anyway , I'm sick now.I want to head to the gym but NO , I'm currently sick and do not want to aggravate my situation and something tells me that my lunar rhythms are just around the corner.well hopefully it comes before the players & swingers party shit.I think I feel sort of up for it? yes surprise surprise.V ain't going first of all cause it's expensive and secondly , she's too busy with her you-know-who.I don't think I'm suppose to say the name.anyway , I got up really early this morning about nine? my difficulty breathing pissed me of so I didn't want to sleep anymore.Watched the awards show and been online ever since.I think I'm going to do something more fruitful later well ,at least I hope so.maybe like , read , read and maybe read?I'm reading three books at the same time now.To kill a mocking bird is awesome.It's so good I can actually feel the chills up my spine at the suspensful parts.very engrossed indeed.oh wells.I think I'd better buzz off before I become stupider( yes.no such freaking word).


off to kill A mocking bird. :)

three words : hot hot summer.



I know I made a resolution not to fall in love again
but I can't help it I found a new love and no ,
it is not anybody you know of,
it is but something you know of.
it's something called , gymming.
I want to lose as much weight as possible
in a healthy way of course.
I want the back of kristen dunst.
And the front of gwen stefani
legs of angelina jolie
and shoe size of phoebe lauw! LOL
bottomline is , I want jessica alba's body
this sudden bimbo rush is prolly cause I'm sick
and of course , under pressure.

I am a substitute , an image of the invisible

I'm still lost in a love song.
I still think you're imperfections are beautiful
No matter how much hurt you've caused me
and the aggravation was indescribable
and the stars are out tonight
in the clear moonlight
pity , you aint with me
or I would have kissed you , for free.


the lonesome valentine


Look at the stars look how they shine for you
and everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along, I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

And Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
Do you know?
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across, I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
'Cuz you were all yellow

I drew a line; I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow
Yeah, yeah...

your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
do you know?
For you I bleed myself dry
For you I bleed myself dry

It's true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

Blood Clots & Black Holes



Betrayal Is A Symptom by Thrice.

Rain Vulgar like Water , Spill Vulagar like Water
and you become , Vulgar. I'm so random.
I was suppose to catch the sunrise (yet again)
this morning with Ah lian , Stupid and Stupider
yes, I know there's no such word.who gives a hoot.
anyway , I cancelled the sunrise shit bcos I was really tired
from the gym and all.I must say , going to the gym is
really really fun.I love using the eqquipment.
I need to lose weight.Because I blame all my failures
on my the way I look.superficial , I know.
I admit I can get superficial.
but it's not that I like it , It's just how things work
as in now , superficiality is the way of life.
whether we like it or not , we've got to hope on the wagon
and go with the flow or we will lose out.
trust me , I love being different
but sometimes , sometimes , you've got to just go with the flow
if you want to get something really really bad.
Maybe this is all cock talk now cause I'm really bored.
Anyway , So i got up this morning and the first thing I did
was to got to my grands' she lives in punggol btw
do you know how fucking far that is from serangoon?!
anyway , She lives next to my mini oasis.
I stand afar staring at it
wanting to go there never finding the time
It's so far but I'm going to make it a point to go there
even it means alone , this week =)
I'm going to town now , bye my simple kind of lovely.



weeks later, I hope you'll regret it.
for what you've done , is make me hate you.

Freewayblogger
Over the last three years
he has put over 2,500 signs
against the war on the freeways of California.
ain't he impressive?
yea baby , make love not war =D

retail theraphy?




Today wasn't such a bad day after all
I mean besides the fact that my phone got confiscated
other than that , the day seemed really good!
marisse marisse, you bought shoes a shirt and a skirt.
what more do you want to buy now.
damn it , stop spending money
I smell valentino around the corner screaming for love
g'day g'night and g'bye

Mae I love you?


What happened?
things happened to fast
and yet again , anger got the best of me.
I felt it , or did I.
I have no idea which way I'm going now.
I need someone to hold my hand
and guide me through this , I think.
I want nothing more tonight
but to be out there.
every now and again , I feel like
I feel like I've been sucked into this time lapse
into this place where I'd sit and watch my painful
most painful , painful memories.
It plays in black and white.
I'd be sitting there all alone and crying.
wondering why did it happen.
No matter how much hurt you have caused me
It struck me that no matter what , I'd still love you.
You left almost too soon , you came almost unannouced.
Things are moving so fast and I'm too slow to catch up
so I fall and I manage to grab onto this thin line
so thin , almost a thread that might snap anytime soon
I'm fat and heavy so It snaps and I fall.
But I manage to grab onto a hand
how lucky you may say , but the hand burns
it has torns on it
like a rose , the hand seemed oh so beautiful,
since I'm close to death , but just like a rose
It has torns that hurt me the worse part is
I'm falling so the pressure pushes the torns into my flesh
and drags down into cuts , I feel the pain
but I can't let go , It's so painful
But It's like an addiction I can't get rid off.
and I finally pass out of the excruciating(?) pain
I still fall , into the bloody pit.
it never ends doesn't it?


Spinning - Someone Else's Arms

I feel like someone just ripped my heart out.
Why am I acting like I'm unaffected.
snap out of it marisse.

dream of everynight

elizabethtown , you break my heart.

she's too lost in her darkness they say.



I'm only happy when It rains ( garbage)
apparently not , cause I'm not out there playing in the rain
but you could say that I can have my walk down memory lane
and get emotional and I guess that'll make me happy
cause I abso-fucking-lutely love getting depressed
I hope you remember what I told you cause guess what , Ian's back.
I'm such a psycho aren't I , people actually think I need help
what is happening to me , whats the deal with my brains.
What happened to my fuck care attitude on a sober basis
my fuck care's present physically but not mentally anymore.
I cannot stand school , I know you've probably heard it a billion times.
but school makes me feel like I've been buried alive in this coffin
and in this case , school's the coffin.
I have this gut feeling that I'm not going to do well for the major exams
hot damn , I never knew how much people could actually affect me.
fucking teachers , I hate math , I hate school , I hate life
I hate teachers , I hate teachers who aggravate my situation
I hate hate , I hate you , I hate me , I hate every happy day.
Cause I now feel like If I get one happy day ,
I get ten depressing days in return.life's such a drag
Why the fuck won't they leave me alone.
I just want to be alone or at least with my friends.
I mean hello? we have to deal with the shit our parents give us at home
and we go to school looking foward to a better day and guess what
we have to deal with our fucking teachers , It's so damn exhausting.
The only reason why I stay in school Is so I can make a living QUICKLY
I can't wait for the next approximately 240 days to end
cause then , I'm out of my 'institution'.
the only reason why I'm alive now is , my friends , family and God.
cause , I do not want to be thrown into the lake of fire.
I'm waiting for a car to hit me or something
get it over and done with so , I thank God for religon.
I just might have a nervous breakdown anytime soon
and when I do , please friends I hope you guys will still love me all the same
cause I'd love you all the same.


yes baby , closure has already happened.

and as I sit and ponder.

I can't believe it right after I told you
I realise that , I really didn't at all.
We had a platonic relationship
I thought It was love
which turned out to be a mistake.
I was blinded by jealousy
she was a threat , a germ , a tough stain.
She's actually kind of beautiful.
All the times I got sad for nothing.
My uncontrolable thoughts of you
I can't believe it turned to be but a fling




sixteen candles and an egg.

two-timing touch and broken bones.


School's been a bitch.
I have this bad urge to quit school and let me tell you,
THE URGE IS FUCKING OVERWHELMING ME.
If not for my bloody friends , I think I would've quit school.
It's stinks like fucking hell there.
teachers have been once again , bitches.
the only period I look foward to is , recess.
ok , I love my chinese teacher.
I came late on the first day , ok , on purpose.
on the second day , my whole clique came late ,
of course we didn't plan for that to happen.
but you know , who wants to believe rebels
espcially when they are fucking sixteen.
yesterday my life was screwed.
today, life's stagnent.what's next?
would someone please pass me the pills now.
I want to become an emotionless blob.
I went to school with puffy eyes
and now , I recieve counselling
is the man up there screwing with me or what!?
omg, am I losing it?!
please please please , I just want to be left alone.



LIFE'S A DDDDDDDRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

this is how I feel like at the moment.

I have something to do today , I'm going out with V and Akira and guess what?!
I have not bathe or brush my teeth , SMELLL MY BREEEAAAATTTTTHHHHH

well well , what do we have here , it's the new year

"oh fuck it's the new years" what a way to start the new years
you may say well , it's what went through my mind , honest.
Well , if you insist that i started with the
"faster!let's countdown" , " huh?! 12.02 already"
where after the " huh!? we forgot to countdown"
then it's a not very auspicious why to start it either.
which after my " oh fuck it's the new year!"
when infact it should've been , " wow , the new year"
I stood in awe of you , wishing I could say something
but instead , I called my dad , grandma and MUMSIEE :D
and soon after thirteen and the rest of my close friends
some which i didn't manage to get through.
well , I'm going to wish everyone yet again.
happy new year to


Ah lian
Akira
alicia tan
alicia yong
alistir
audrey
azilah
beatrice
bekkah
boyfriend(dory)
breastie(jenny)
calista
candy
chantal
charlene
charmaine
cheryl foo
cherlene
chirp chrip(bird)
christ tell
chunky
desmond foo
emoline
esmond
esther
eunice
evon
fairli
fangs
fay
fish
gwen
hannah
HC-GF(sylvia)
janice
jasmine
jerome
jiaxin
jill
jillian
jism head(jin hui)
karys
kelly
lasoh(laurel)
leezord
lee-yah
liyan
meishi
melissa
michelle
mum calista
nana
nerdizza
nina
only two (siewhwee)
pamela
pantat
phoebe
pris
puiling
sam
samantha
sarah
serene
sexy(rachel)
shanny
sher
shiyun
shopping
sihui
sijia
son( ann na)
suee
sulynn
tehknee
theresa
thirteen(hannah)
tienkur(grace)
trisha
vikki
weilyn
wens
xiangying
xiaolong
yenchuen
yihui
yogi bearo(eunice)
zenn
zoe
isabella
russell
tricia
bernice
buddy(kim)
liying
fedrick
spencer
janice
yan ni
valerie
therese
wan chun
celest
kristle
charms
candice
clare
joey
pohyong


If I've missed you out , I'm sorry as you can see they are mainly from my phone list or msn list people that are under the " I talk to" list. :) anyway close or not close , I love you all the same.

anyway , after Stacy's party ,
We went for supper and which after
I walked home with stacy to MY house
we chilled around and after that
I went back to her house cause
I decided to go for the 8.30 mass at IHM and It was good?
haha right after that we went for breakfast at gradens and
we went back to stacy's place and after that
we fell asleep I woke up at 1.30
cause of the heat in her room ,
I got so pissy cause of the heat I had to leave so
, I left her house in a mess with only
a measly 3 hours of sleep and took a cab when I got home
, I slept yet again.Woke up at 5.30 from alyssa's call
for hogan's party , nice guy nice family.
We got lost for half an hour when we got there
we chilled at the fishing village , it was awesome :)
I had a great time , I never knew ps 2 was so much fun
I've lost my blogging mojo , so g'day my friends
and happy second day of the new year :D

With every girl you touch



It was a one-sided story
you were in pants that seemed so flowery
things got complicated
you love seeing me agitated
we should've skipped the part
where I fall for you
where I get used
jumped right to the part
where you break my heart
I sit infront of the sliver screen
my tears in a picture that turns green
I'll see you soon , It'll be the last
which after you'll become part of my past
beads of salty water rest of her smooth skin
as oblivious as she may seem
it was an act of denial that would soon leave her dim
dim , like the light of a lava lamp
beautiful but it makes your room cramp
it's a piece of beautiful trash which beholds
its beauty makes up with ten folds
if I, never see you again,
what a shame it'll be to know that,
Your lips I'll never kiss again
And if this story, its only a piece of my life
why does it feel like I've known you all my life
it's not as if i want you to be there
just give me your dramatic stare
I'll love just the way you are
even though just the way you are is the phrase that's far
from the thin line I'm walking on
just cut it off , and I'm gone.
I hope you'll live in regret
for saying I'm fucking fat
baby , open the bloody trap.


love her when she's gone.

things are sort of different now
there's no saying why or how
the night shifts into the break of dawn
and when I wake to find that you're gone
the symphony of the breaking of hearts
the pain caused by a thousand darts
Is Incomprehendable like a dozen stabbing knives
knives that bleed of hundreds of lives
living in your skin is beneath me
these empty nights are lonesome and free
wings at the side of your eyes
that float so freely in deceitful disguise
the views absorb like cold hard cash
that instant turns into thrash
In your eyes , things are not the same
all the girly girls will not be a match to the plain jane
that has caused markers and breakers to stay
so before the lids groove to the music baby , I'd pray




I'd stay awake with the sound of your voice

romance romance

smells like teen spirit.

your personalized oasis


Help me understand , pls?

Jesus , tell me is this gonna be worth my time.
It's too late to be saved by his charm.
I'm never going to get this right am I?
I'm a fool again to have hoped in him.
mg,I can't believe this is happening all over again.
All the oh-so cliche phrases are going to be popping out of mouth
like popcorns in a pan.spilling and spilling.
once again , my heart is bleeding.
Is this too much to ask for.
I never really asked for anything
ok , maybe I did.
I suppose I don't deserve it am I wrong to say that?
Your words have become cold.
And the comfort of his voice is draining away.
Oh! is it love?Apparently not I guess.
I'm going to party the pain away.
g'bye my lover g'bye my friend
you have been the one for me
It was , just a ride

JESUS PROTECT ME , she cried :)

I'm tongue tied
Waiting
Hoping
And praying
Lying
Beside you
Longing
To touch you

But this feels like the end

So tired
We are
Drifting
Too far
Eyes closed
Tightly
Thinking
There might be
Some way

But this feels like the end

What went wrong
I need to know
I can feel
You're letting go
Though there is
So much to say
I'm tongue tied
Tongue tied
Waiting

I'm tongue tied
Waiting
Hoping
And praying
So near
Yet so far
Alone
Together

Still this feels like the end
Feels like the end


thank you gwen , akira , jism head , xiaolong look alike for today
and most of all , my trusty wallet :D

say please do not go , oh you will oh you will , maybe so.


merry kressmezz everybody and happy birthday Jesus :D


The first hour or so of christmas was spent the bird's nest.
It was awesome , as usual , how can I say it's not.
The second hour was spent swimming.
swimming during christmas , isn't that lovely
I was wearing a dress shirt so It seemed so shakespear to me.
V and I were playing our usual game of 5 people this
and 5 people that we raced on our toes , literally.
bottomline , we had fun we even got to see blondie.
After that I went to meet only two and xy we had supper
and talked a little bit it was getting late so they left
I reached home at 5? I slept for a measly 6 hours
and off the church I went for christmas mass :D
Oh how I love christmas with mummy
After that I took the bus down to see my father
I took a little while to warm up to him
well , it HAS been almost 6 years darn it.
We went for lunch and talked alot.
I found out alot of things about the divorce
which is good I guess I mean , hey not every
kid from a broken family gets to know the whole my story
your story and slove the whole thing.
well , let's just say , everything I found out has to
be thrown into a 8 ft deep whole dugged by yours truly
Anyway so I got home and went to sleep for another 2 hours?
Gwen (= came over we headed to the esplanade to our mini oasis
we hung around for about 2 hours and went for supper with akira.
the walk home was really awesome the whole bottle thing was mad.
Gwen had to had home so I accompanied akira.
I found out alot of stuff about the dear boy which is good.
now , I can actually understand his nonsense =D
had fun talking , we hung out for 4 hours , just talking?
It was good though anyway so now , home sweet home.


let's face it , I'm boring :D

Oh christmas is a pisser but why does it have to be so beautiful.
an oxymoron like beautiful disaster would be perfect for this.

oh sweet love :D


I Keep Forgetting The Things You Tell me About Love

The iridescent glow of the words
that slipped and slid from your lips,
that caused the air to carry an ambrosial perfume
that flowed between the bars
of this beautiful cage
And drained into oblivion.

You smoked in the rain
As my reflection broke a glass
And threatened me in silence

I went away that day

Derided children
Played their games
While mountains sighed in rue.
The waters
eternally froze
For lily-white beings
To glissade in to the horizon.

And a simple quiescent dream
Of a glass castle
faded to a minim
in the back of my mind.
I was conquered.

I keep forgetting the things you tell me about love

poetry © 2004 Alixandra Velia G.

this is amusing and amazingly stupid extremely shallow and it's from ambercrombie and fitch.surprise , surprise.

Let there be love.


It's not pretty , but It's lovely
It's the eve of christmas baby.
Let me do my crime of being happy.
No one's going to rain on my parade
things are so weird now.
complicated has become and understatement.
I don't know whether I should.
Kissing on the envelopes , I wish you knew.
Something I don't feel ashame about.
Instead , I pass the blame.
Everybody knows that it's alright.
this is the season to be jolly they say.
So let's put our differences aside and party baby.
and of course , not forgetting the true meaning of x-mas.
which is , jesus christ was born to save us from our sins.
I sound all holy mofoic , but , It's true :D
why don't you just tell me how you feel.
Stop hiding it , I will love you all the same.
thank you , it's christmas , once again.
but this year's just not the same.
so , let there be love honey.
cause sugar , we're going down swinging
the talk of cliche.

karys's party was good (=



you know it always wins in the end.

Track 16



You left her dead , from head to toe.

Lust , V and I :D

I'VE BLOGGED 3 FUCKING TIMES IN LESS THAN AN HOUR!

Random

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die;
I am not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight,
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill and spill over and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black, broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife!